The past six months have been more difficult for me than I ever could have realized. It all began with the loss of my mother last July and the grief spiraled out of control. Every attempt at trying to resume my regular routine was met with anguish and resistance. It was futile to keep trying, or so I thought.
Creating in any form became impossible. I couldn’t find within the peace I needed to settle down with my supplies, or even a pen and paper. October saw my lame attempt fall flat in my fulfillment of a commitment for the Retro Café Art Gallery 2015 Tombstone Swap. My heart just wasn’t in it. If you haven’t already seen it, you can read that last blog post here: https://trashbubblesandlifeslittlebits.wordpress.com/2015/10/06/spooky-happenings-at-the-studio/
My friend, Jill, began a new blog in November. She hosts you-r-here.net and invites fellow creatives to guest blog weekly. Her idea is this, “You-R-Here… So, interact with your environment and the people surrounding you.” I was excited when she asked me to participate. At the same time, I was scared to death. What could I have to offer in my state of grief and confusion? I forced myself to contribute in order to try to get myself out of… well, out of myself, I guess. It seemed I was only able to work up a short piece every two weeks, but that was more than I was able to produce otherwise.
My light, my joy, during these dark days was my grandson, Noah. His smile, his happy chatter, his child-like wonder pulled me from within and let me be light and free when we were together. Thankfully, I can count on a dose of Noah at least twice weekly.
A conversation with a Dear Aunt helped to release me from a great deal of the negativity I’d been harboring since my mother’s passing. My Aunt helped me to put it all into perspective, to show me the light at the end of the tunnel that my blinders had hidden from my view. For that, I am more grateful than you could ever imagine.
And so… I managed not only to “get through” the holidays, but to find some level of comfort and enjoyment in them. I looked forward to the New Year, as many of us do, as a fresh start. I vowed to get back into the studio (which had become the place to toss junk and store miscellaneous stuff out of sight these last few months) to sort, organize and just spend time there. My hope was that in so doing, I would eventually be inspired to begin creating once again.
Today is the 19th of January. I have made some progress in the sorting and organizing department. The biggest change I made was to hang the twinkle lights I’d been meaning to hang for two years! They are finally off the floor and out of my way, providing ambiance the way I’d intended.
Most importantly, I AM inspired. I have begun creating in small ways. Yesterday, I launched a new mail art project that is helping to get another large thing off my floor and out the door, whilst allowing me to be creative and introspective all at once. Look for more on that later this week because I finally feel that I can return to my twice weekly blogging schedule.
In addition, I am writing again, creatively. I was so happy about this development that I committed to the 10th Annual Short Story Challenge. It promises to be an exhilarating creative boost. The first leg of the challenge begins at midnight on January 22nd. Registration is open though the 21st in case you think you might be interested in participating.
If you’ve ever experienced a creative block of any kind, you know how monumental this all is. So, to answer the question I posed as this post’s title… NO! The road to Hell is not paved with good intentions. The road back to self, however, is. I’d intended to make more progress by this time, but I am happy with the fact that I am moving forward, I am embracing the life I am meant to live despite my heartache and the healing is happening.
Thank you, all of you! On the rare day that I even looked at my blog, I was encouraged to see that you had kept checking in despite my absence. Your faith in me, when I’d so little in myself, gave me hope. For that, I am immensely grateful. There would be no blog without you folks who care to catch a glimpse inside my crazy world!
Happy Trash to you, until we meet again!